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Name: limeginger
E-Mail:
Subject: I've pulled the oars in your boat LimeGinger(?)
Date: Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Time: 11:11:51 AM
Remote Address: 67.244.243.74
Message ID: 245374
Parent ID: 245355
Thread ID: 245336
Human Riff,
...do we know one another? You say you've pulled on the oars of my boat 5X? I don't know what that means...thank you for doing so, and I apologize if I didn't acknowledge you? could you let me know what you mean or who you are? I'm generally very aware of people who have helped me, because they do every day I'm on the planet, and I almost never view my accomplishments as being "solo" or "I did it my way" kinda endeavors -- yesterday a local paper interviewed me about some trivial recognition and the whole thing is me talking about other people. As it should be,.
Was just saying yesterday this was a weird, unfamiliar phenomenon. I even said I feel weird for feeling weird about it. I admit to any even *borderline* negative feelings, seeming petty to me.
I'm not being self-righteous about it. But honestly, it stings a little bit. It's a weird sensation. I'm posting here because it's not the kind of thing you feel comfortable sharing in the real world.
I said I'm really happy for him. And I also said it's definitely bittersweet. I'm just being honest about it. I wasn't asking for a plaque or to be thanked at some awards ceremony -- but after working with my friend for years on this (who, when I saw him last, was literally suicidal if he didn't make it HUGE), it took 2 comments, one of which was bourne out of my fear for him should he "fail" (with "failure" being defined by him as what most of us what consider extraordinary "success") to completely end the friendship and erase whatever I'd helped with (yes, freely -- I said that) to help.
In an interview with him yesterday he talks about some of the intense prep work to figure out the publishing world that I helped him with. yes, I chose to do that. I spent about 12 hours crawling through lists of every single agent and publishing house and PR vehicle in the *world* who he might approach (because he got frozen/paralyzed -- as sometimes happens to all of us -- and didn't know how to tackle the business part of getting the thing published), and worked with him to map out every single aspect of his life from which he knew people, and then a map of all the people he knew who knew people, and all the ways, rhetoric, strategies for approaching them -- exhaustively until he nailed the right one. Again, I don't need him to name me, or even thank me in any way. Just saying it's an unfamiliar mixed bag kind of reactions.
For whatever reason, perhaps due to a lack of A-list talent myself, I serve in this capacity for a half dozen people -- in politics, activism, art, music. I'm a good strategist and willing to be a sounding board. And I don't ask for thanks, but the people I serve this function for know what I'm giving, and, yes, what I share is often quietly recognized (like a simple thanks to me personally).
Incidentally, we broke up because (I think like most geniuses) the drive to be adored abstractly by unknown faceless people was more important than maintaining actual relationships with friends, family, lovers. I'm not harshing on that -- and I understand it probably goes with the turf. However, I'm not a martyr, and although (clearly) I will give a great deal to support whoever I'm with (without need for huge thanks -- and I think most of my boyfriends could fault me for many things but not a lack of generosity or supportiveness -- I'm always awed by what people can do and I'm always connecting people with each other, people to resources, spotting talent in many forms, helping people on their way, and that's what I do not for pay but in the world, every day). With that said, I am an individual, and I value myself, and my contributions are real and valuable. It doesn't feel good to be invisible.
Anyway...as it turns out my sister-in-law is thanked in the book. And that is very cool.
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